I’ve been called Pollyanna more times than I care to count. One of my core life values is that I believe in finding the good in every situation, and a gift in every disappointment. I believe in living large, taking risks, being true to yourself, and setting the world on fire.
In other words, I don’t believe in whining, complaining, excuses, or settling. Our lives are ours to make, and it’s our responsibility to do that.
I mostly do that, or at least I try. In one area, though, I’ve been a hypocrite, and — in this, my first blog post — I’m calling bullshit on myself.
I’ve known since I was six years old that I was meant to write, and that I am a writer. BUT I DON’T WRITE.
I’ve danced around the edges of the professional writing life: English major, school essay-contest winner, professional editor and proofreader of others’ words….I’ve done everything I can to be involved in the life of language without ever having to risk, be vulnerable, or demand, expect, or believe I deserve payment for what I write.
These days I sit in a cubicle for way too many hours a day, in a job with zero creativity, making sure, again, that OTHERS’ words are presented correctly. They’re not my words. I hide behind them.
But I’m so TIRED of it! I’m TIRED of not thinking I have anything to say. I’m TIRED of being gone from my house ten hours a day and missing big chunks of my kids’ growing-up years because of my damn commute to my boring job.
But you know what I’m mostly freaking SICK of? I’m sick of being scared. I”m sick of feeling not good enough, and boring, and timid, and weak, just because I’m not The Bloggess or Anne Lamott or Mark Morford or Alexandra Franzen or Johnny B. Truant. I’m sick of admiring other writers who write and who make a living at writing. I’m sick of seeing braver people do exciting and creative things with language while I sit around feeling envious and unworthy and acting like I have to wait to be invited to some special secret writers’ club before I can start creating.
I’ve got lots of confidence and self-esteem in other areas of my life — but when it comes to writing, all I hear in my head is OK, but Not. Good. Enough. And these are the internal mantras that stop me from starting: Not funny enough! Too wordy! Don’t have anything to say that hasn’t already been said, and said better by people way more talented than you! It’s too overwhelming! You’re too old! You’re too lazy!
A friend of mine who is a counselor always says that people don’t grow real self-esteem by pumping up their self-talk or chanting affirmations, but by doing esteemable things. I’m a long-time serious student of personal development, and just about everyone who knows me thinks I’m the most positive person they know. But it’s time for me to actually walk the “Rah rah, you’re awesome! Love yourself and follow your passions!” encouraging coach-talk that I give to everyone else, and to actually live the inspiring motivational quotes that I constantly post on my Facebook wall.
I’ve joked with a friend that I was going to start a blog someday called “This Is Bullshit!” because — even though I claim to believe in a philosophy of moving toward positives instead of away from negatives — the only time I’ve ever made a big, courageous move on anything in my life is when I’ve finally had enough and stood up and said “THIS IS BULLSHIT!” Right now is one of my This Is Bullshit moments. The life I’m living right now — ragged, small, scared, bored — is BULLSHIT!
I set up this blog a few weeks ago and wasn’t sure what I was going to do with it, until now. I’m a WRITER, dammit, and this is going to be the story of how I claimed it. I’m forty-two years old, and I’ve known I was meant to be a writer since I was six years old and banging out stories on my dad’s typewriter. I guess it’s about time I got on with it.
My intention when I sat down at the computer today was to research free copywriting training and resources and, if I couldn’t find any, to start looking at nearby colleges for something I could afford as an underemployed single mom. I hadn’t even started my research and was reading a different blog for pleasure when I hopped from link to link and ended up at Men With Pens and a description of the Damn Fine Words writing class (www.damnfinewords.com) and contest. I don’t believe in accidents. I think having this blog set up, as tiny of an action as that was, was the spark that set the universe into motion to get me where I need to be.
Continuing to hide is not acceptable. It has turned me into a liar, and I can’t live with the lie any longer; it’s killing me inside, and wasting my life. I want more. For me that doesn’t mean I want to be A-List, or famous, or write the proverbial Great American Novel, because that’s not what it’s about. It’s about being real, and earning my living doing what I am. It’s about fulfilling my potential so I can show others how to do that, too, and give something back to the world. And I know I can do it, as soon as I stop telling myself I can’t.
Great post!! I loved it. Like your header too…
Good luck with the contest, you sound like you’re ready to go for it!
Jackie
Thank you so much, Jackie! I really enjoyed yours, too. You have such a clear vision for what the class would do for you, and your passion for what you do is so evident. Also love the humor you included — I know your cows’ crossed hooves are helping you in the contest!
And thanks for the gift of my very first comment
Lynn, you GO, girl!!!
Stop hiding and get your bad self OUT there! You’ve got a LOT of wisdom and *wicked great* humor to share with the world.
Thanks for the kind words, Rena! I can tell you’ve got some wicked humor of your own…your description of your Dad and Father-in-law’s saying made me laugh.
I love the idea of a “Lifestyle Rightsize.” I’ve been reading several blogs about minimalism lately and, while I like them, there’s something about framing it as rightsizing instead of minimizing that makes it feel more like something I’d do because I WANT to, rather than deprivation, if that makes sense. Let me know when you add the ability to subscribe to your blog, so I can sign up!
Lynn, thank you SO much!
You are absolutely right about minimizing and deprivation! This is one of my favorite subjects in the whole world, so I’ve got LOTS to say about it on the blog.
I’ll definitely let you know when the subscription function goes live. I need to get that handled ASAP so cool peeps like yourself can sign up!
Rena Tucker recently posted..Desperately Seeking The *Right* Words
Wow. You’re not only calling out yourself, but everyone else who spouts motivational quotes while procrastinating on her own work. Which is me. Great kick in the pants! Thanks!
Thank you, Sandee! From reading the other entries, it sounds like it’s definitely NOT just you and me
As a matter of fact, it appears it’s a full-fledged occupational hazard!
Lynn,
Wow. This is quite an introductory post!
First off, why didn’t you start a blog called thisisbullshit.com?
Your story hits home with me as I feel the exact same way about my job and time away from my children. Have you figured out why you are self confident in all areas except writing?
Who says you can’t write like JBT or The Bloggess? You know this but it’s only YOU holding yourself back.
If you really are going to take life by the balls (and it sounds like you do),then just fucking go for it!
You sound passionate and that’s the best start! If you need any help with blog type stuff, let me know. I’d be happy to help you any way I can. I know a number of excellent copywriters that I’m sure would be glad to talk with you.
So what’s your ultimate goal really? Is it to work from home and have an online business?
Steve Roy recently posted..A Lot Can Happen In 17 Days
Steve, funny you should ask….for the same reason you decided against “Because life doesn’t have to suck!” as a tagline. I really do like to focus on the positive whenever possible. You get what you focus on, right?
And, you’re right, I’m totally ready to fucking go for it…in my own Pollyanna-ish way
I ADORE the words of encouragement — they really do help!
I’m very passionate by nature and feel like it’s finally waking up again after what has been a somewhat soul-deadening year in many ways. Fun Fact: Did you know that “The W.A.N.D.” by the Flaming Lips stands for “The Will Always Negates Defeat”? Neither did I, until recently — but it has become something of an anthem around these parts lately. 2012 is going to be on FIRE (not literally, let’s hope, but you know what I mean).
I greatly appreciate the offer for blog help, because I’ve always been the word girl, NOT the tech girl. Very generous of you to offer!
My ultimate ULTIMATE goal is to live a blissful, enlightened life (a smidge of “independently wealthy” thrown in would be great, too). But in the short term, yes, working from home is what I’m after. I’m sinking my teeth into learning copywriting, and plan to make it a huge success. Here’s hoping you can add me to your arsenal of excellent copywriters very soon!
Thank you for coming by and reading and commenting!
I must say, I love your sense of humor. It’s nice to see some personality around here for a change…
I also have to say that you need to do something about your commenting system here! And drop the moderation
Fun fact 1: I have never listened to The Flaming Lips so your reference was lost on me. However, we may be close in age (hard to tell by your pic), so we probably dig some of the same music..
From what I’ve seen so far, you seem to have the tools to create something special here and I see no reason you can’t have a booming online business in the near future.
And I do want you to take me up on my offer. Let me know your concerns about your blog and I’ll offer my 2 cents.
And yes, 2012 is going to be an incredible year. I know it will be for me and I hope it is for you as well!
Steve recently posted..A Lot Can Happen In 17 Days
Well, thanks! To paraphrase Elf, “Laughing is my favorite!” I tend to have a bit of an odd sense of humor at times, so I can be shy about showing it — one of those confidence things you mentioned. Part of what I’m hoping to do with my writing is to let more of it out even though people might not get it sometimes.
Is there a commenting plug-in you like? I installed Disqus but it got me all confused and I deactivated it. And now I can’t find the setting to go in and turn off the damn moderation. Will you give me a hint as to where I can go find it? Seriously, my “tribe” could be “otherwise smart people who have trouble operating simple technology.”
My thought is that I’m going to use this blog as writing practice and exploration without worrying about “monetizing” it, at least for now. I’m also currently in the middle of starting a website for my freelance editing and proofreading business. I’m going to specialize in blog posts, newsletters, e-books, and web copy, with a focus on bloggers in the personal development/coaching/spirituality area. That way, if I am able to take this Damn Fine Words course (fingers still crossed! Decision will be announced today!) or even if I need to find another, I can use this blog purely for developing my writing ability and finding my voice without worrying about it having to make money.
Now, music….ah, yes, that could be a whole ‘nother blog….what kind do you listen to?
The only commenting plug in I use is “Reply Me”,which sends an email when I reply to a reader comment. Few people will come back to check if you replied to their comment and this is a great way to keep the conversation going.
Some people love Disqus or Livefyre,but I don’t like them. They are confusing and a pain in the ass. To turn off the moderation, go into Settings->Discussion->Before A Comment Appears and then uncheck “An administrator must always approve the comment”.
I think it’s a great idea to forget about monetizing in the beginning. Create value, build trust, and get people to like you. That’s the key.
I listen to all types of music aside from rap and R&B. You?
My favorite foods are candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup
Steve recently posted..A Lot Can Happen In 17 Days
Ah, the four food groups! My kids agree wholeheartedly with you on that one.
Thanks for the tip on the comment moderation — it is now turned OFF. Is there something else about the comment setup that’s awkward or annoying, or was that it?
I’m also musically eclectic — mainstays are Incubus, Springsteen, Switchfoot, Foo Fighters and Snow Patrol, but I also adore Buckcherry and Rascal Flatts — and I’m not even ashamed to admit that I have a real soft spot for Barry Manilow (seeing him perform in Vegas is high up on my bucket list — I think I was brainwashed by “Copacabana” in the ’70s!). For me, music is critical to creativity, passion, and joy. That’s gotta be a future blog post
Again, thanks so much for your support as I take these early steps. It means a ton, and it’ll be cool to see how we end our respective grinds at the same time
Pingback: Damn Fine Words Writing Contest: The Winners! | Men with Pens
Damn fine words!
Thank you! I’m looking forward to learning how to make them much Damn Finer
Lynn….loved your post and congratulations on winning the contest. It takes courage to put yourself “out there” like you did but look what it got you !!!
I will be taking the course as well. It will be great to get to know everyone better as the weeks go along. Again, Congratulations.
Gwen, thank you! I love how you put it, and I think you’re exactly right — nothing much can happen in life without coming out of hiding and showing ourselves. That seems to be a theme coming up a lot lately!
I look forward to “meeting” you through YOUR words, and watching how we all grow!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone who has read my post and left a comment, and especially to James Chartrand, Peter Shallard, and Taylor Lindstrom. Your generosity and faith in me means more than you can know, and I can’t wait to participate in the class with my whole heart, bust out of the ol’ comfort zone, and create some DAMN FINE WORDS!
Hey there Lynn,
Congratulations on winning – well deserved. I look forward to reading many damn fine words from you in the future. Go for the gusto,
Jackie
Jackie @ Auburn Meadow Farm recently posted..in which we have a Steak in the outcome
Thank you, Jackie! I’m figuratively sharpening all of my pencils now!
Your headline above made me laugh out loud and now I must go over to your blog and read!
Congratulations, Lynn!!!
It’s time for Bullshit Begone! I’m so glad we’ll be in the program together. YAY!!!
Fasten your seatbelt, ‘cuz it’s gonna be one wild ride!
Rena Tucker recently posted..Desperately Seeking The *Right* Words
“Bullshit Begone” — love it! Maybe I’ll even have my own infomercial!
I’m very happy I’ll get to know you through the program — let’s let the conductor take this train to new and exciting places we can’t even predict yet!
Hiya
I just read that you won the DFW competition – well done you. It’s going to be amazing for you and I’m so happy that you will be able to put your self doubt aside and shine. Congrats!
Thank you, Rae! I can’t even tell you how excited I am. I have a feeling it’ll be a game-changer. I appreciate your kind words!
Congratulations on winning the Damn Fine Words contest, Lynn! I’ve finally gotten a chance to go back and read some of the entries and I can see why they chose you – I love the passion and frustration that comes through in your words.
Well done!
Thank you so much! In a way it’s kind of a shame that I had to get so frustrated to finally make myself step up, but everything happens like it’s supposed to, right?
Thank you VERY much for your nice comment.
Wow! Lynn, this is great. Its apparent that this writing stuff is your calling.
Your passion shines through in your words like wildfire. Keep blazing your own path and there will be nothing that can stop you.
Congratulations on your success.
You’ve arrived.
Btw, I love the idea of http://www.thisisbullshit.com. Wish I would’ve thought of that
I’d totally read it!
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